Just fell off a train. Bad.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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