So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
