Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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