I'm so fucking centered right now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
