i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
