Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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