i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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