just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
