I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
