I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
