PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
