We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
