I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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