I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize