none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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