He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
