WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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