Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
