i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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