so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we're so committed to being not committed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
