What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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