no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
