An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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