How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
