You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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