I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
