Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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