Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
