Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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