end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize