i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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