the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
