Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
