I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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