I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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