It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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