do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
