so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
