just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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