I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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