these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hippo gnu deer
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
