Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
