So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
