Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
