I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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