It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
