Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
