biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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