Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
