Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
