If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
