I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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