who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
