so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My cat gives me a boner
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
