i permit you to call me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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