keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
