this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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