It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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