were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
