guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
