So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
