Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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