don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
