Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
