he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
